why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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