I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
