Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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