Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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