if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
