Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
