oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
