I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
