my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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