Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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