So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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