i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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