It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You need a sexual gate keeper
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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