cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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