Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
