If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
