Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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