sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
