We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
