so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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