i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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