idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
