I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
