Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
my nose is crying tears of wow.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
