So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
