I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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