this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
