I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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