Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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