Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
