the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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