were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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