I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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