i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm too high and old for this...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I love you.
Bad choice
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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