I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
