idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
