I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
