i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
