You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
