my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
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