I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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