i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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