I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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