I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
