Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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