Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
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How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
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Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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