her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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