i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
