He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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