TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Randomize
