All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
