apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
