I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
