he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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