Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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