I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
