Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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