But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
