sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
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