You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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