So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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