i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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