were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
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everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
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I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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