On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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